This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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