Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
