Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
