ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
