yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
