please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
