When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
