News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Randomize
