just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
So many bounce houses so little time
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
