Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
