My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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