I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
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