if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Randomize
