My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
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