You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize