Heybabeimwearingurpanties
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Randomize
