i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Randomize
