I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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