is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
