Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
