you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
