So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
