need another drink. this is the easiest way
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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