Cold hands, warm shart.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
did you just send me my own nude
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
