belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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