I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
