You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
