I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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