No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
