what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
