Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
