A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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