I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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