Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
