i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
