Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
