The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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