The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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