You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
