your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Randomize
