Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Two words: blizzard sex
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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