I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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