I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
You left your phone here
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