a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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