The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
