the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
