i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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