Sponge bath it is.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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