just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
