the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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