You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
