Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
foreskin is a definite game changer
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
