I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Randomize
