Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
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