we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize