Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
