Swine flu. Run for my life!
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
