she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
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