I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Randomize