Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Randomize
