Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
