I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
