You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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