tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
