Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
