Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
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