Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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