she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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